Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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