i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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