i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
