Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
