____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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