i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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