so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
