So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
