Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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