party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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