i think my tv is drunk
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
