she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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