Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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