some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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