It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
