The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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