I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i believe in u and ur pee
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
