Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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