Sacagawea was the original milf.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Also, beer. Big fan.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
