im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
