the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
