Sry I called you an 8
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
