god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
