He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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