girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
