I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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