lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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