Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
