You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
