i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The air was thick with penises
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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