My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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