I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
