A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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