Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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