U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
