I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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