He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
