I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
