Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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