the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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