So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
