Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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