Christians are straight up FREAKS
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
