And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
