I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
