I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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