my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just found puke in my bra..
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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