hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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