So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
