When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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